


Hair (inevitably)

by HASA_Archivist



Category: The Lord of the Rings - J. R. R. Tolkien
Genre: Humor, War of the Ring, Writing - Good use of humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-19
Updated: 2015-04-19
Packaged: 2018-03-24 21:01:58
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 320
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3784209
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HASA_Archivist/pseuds/HASA_Archivist
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Legolas is having a bad hair day.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Hair (inevitably)

**Author's Note:**

> Note from the HASA Transition Team: This story was originally archived at [HASA](http://fanlore.org/wiki/Henneth_Ann%C3%BBn_Story_Archive), which closed in February 2015. To preserve the archive, we began manually importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in February 2015. We posted announcements about the move, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this author, please contact The HASA Transition Team using the e-mail address on the [HASA collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/hasa/profile).

He asks me why I'm such a perfect guy.  
I'm well-groomed noon and night; hair that's a delight.  
I'm fragrant high and low,  
Don't ask me why; don't know!  
'Tis not that I've not tried  
To look like I just died - but I'm

Stuck with this darn hair, long beautiful hair  
Shining, gleaming, streaming, flaxen, waxen.  
'Tis even down to there, hair!  
Shoulder length, longer (hair!)  
Here baba, there nana, everywhere ada ada

CHORUS  
Hair! (hair, hair, hair, hair, hair, hair)  
Tied it, dyed it;  
Still he can't abide it, my hair!

I let it fly in the breeze and get caught in the trees  
But still I can't get fleas in my hair.  
No home for fleas, or hive for bees,  
Or nest for birds, still there ain't no words  
For the beauty, the splendour, the wonder of my

CHORUS  
Hair! (hair, hair, hair, hair, hair, hair)  
Tied it, dyed it;  
Still he can't abide it, my hair!

He wants it sweat-wet, knotted, rotted,  
Snaggy, shaggy, ratty, matty,  
Oily, greasy, manky, skanky,  
Not gleaming, streaming, flaxen, waxen,  
Not well-tended, unsplit-ened; twisted, beaded, braided;  
Coiffeured, buffered and untangled,  
Cleaned, preened, moon-sheened and star-spangled.

O-oh, say can you see by my hair's golden gleam?  
Then it's still too clean!  
Radiant here, radiant there,  
Radiant where ... you know I swear  
It washes itself!  
Doo doo doo doo doot-doot doo doo doot

The girls go astro-runic  
When they see me in my tunic  
My tunic made of blond, brilliant, Noldorin-style hair.  
My hair like Finrod wore it  
Oh why can't he adore it?  
Oh just like Beren loved him once *****  
Why don't my Ranger love me?

CHORUS  
Hair! (hair, hair, hair, hair, hair, hair)  
Tied it, dyed it;  
Still he can't abide it, my hair!

* * * * *

**Author's note:**

***** This is canonically incorrect, of course. It is just wishful thinking on the part of the lovelorn elf.

The tune and lyric can be found [here](http://janfox.com/sixties_live_lyrics.htm)


End file.
